Okay, Odie, when I give the signal, you distract Jon. I'll grab his food, and we'll meet back here to split the booty. Got it? - - Okay, you stand here and slobber. I'll order a pizza.
Liz, could you be getting more beautiful every day? - How sweet of you to say that! But I don't think so. - Yeah, you're probably right. Run, Jon! Run!
ZIP - Garfield, they say as you age, life speeds up. - Whoa, look! I'm over here already! - Now I'm in the kitchen! - Now I'm BAK! - NOW I'M IN THE BACKYARD!!! - click
When I was in school, I once annoyed an old gypsy woman. - She put a curse on me. - She said I would never get a date to the prom. What a waste of a perfectly good curse.
And now back to our game. - Okay, Larry, here's your bonus-round question... - Can you identify this sound? - *PWOINK* - Huh - BOY, that sounds familiar. - PWOINK
* beedle beedle beedle - Jon, how about going out for dinner tonight? Liz - Sure! Sounds great! tic tic tic itc - Let's go to that Italian place. They have the BEST lasagna. - Good choice! - Ho, Jon! It's me! - Did I leave my phone here?
- It's too bad that we don't have a butler. - He could answer the door. - He could serve us our meals. - He could call us "Sir". - But it'll never happen. - Right, Garfield? That's "sir" to you.
- Would you like a donut, Liz? I'd LOVE one. - But I really shouldn't. - So you WOULD like a donut? Absolutely. - But you don't WANT one? No! No, no, NO! - - Women. They're a mystery.
- Liz, I think Garfield has a little cabin fever. - I think we all get that this time of year, Jon. - Besides, how bad could it be? - AAAAAAAAGGG - GGGGGHHHHHH - Wanna come over? Sure, how does june sound?
Ahhh... - It's sunday, Garfield! Today I'm not going to do ANYthing...just like you. - * RIIMNG - Hi, Jon, it's Liz. - Hi, Liz! - Want to do something today? Sure! I'll be right over! - SLAP! Rookie.
Sigh - - SIIIIIGH - There, there, Garfield... - I know you miss it...we all do. - Just hang in there, pal. It'll be back again before you know it! - Spring? The ice cream truck.
Odie's burying his bone. I have a bad feeling. - Wait, I didn't give him a bone. A really bad feeling. - And where's the remote? A really, REALLY bad feeling.
- SLURK! SLURK! SLURRRRK! - SLUUUUUUUUUUU - UUUUUUUUUUUUU - UUURRRRRRRRRRR - RRRRRRKKK - OKAY! OKAY! I'LL BUY MORE LEMONADE!! And another bendy straw. This one is all slurked out.
munch munch munch - Welcome back to "When Wildlife Snaps!" - Here we see a hungry bear approaching a camper... - Who forgot to keep his food in a high, safe place. munch munch - RAAWRRR! AIYEE! - - munch munch munch
Here's a letter from a man whose best friend is actually a cat! - He likes stamp collecting and plaid. - Tell me you didn't sign it. Look, he even signed his name!
- I found this in the back of the refrigerator. I wonder if it's any good. - Here, Odie. Try some. - MMMMMMMMMM - mmmmmmmmmmmmmm - - Never use a dog as taste tester.
Life is full of regrets, Garfield. How true. - Do you have any regrets? Yes, I do. - Maybe stealing food? Kicking Odie off the table? Squashing spiders? I never learned to type.
My Uncle Forrest would say, "you can't know someone.. - until you've walked a mile in their shoes". - He had three hundred pairs when they caught him. That's about a seven on the creepy scale.
Hello. I'm the age nightmare scheduled for this evening. - I think you want the guy in the bedroom down the hall. Thank you very much. - Pretty polite, for a bald spot. GAAAH
- Welcome to your age nightmare, birthday boy! - Readig glasses? Why are you scary? Because when you need me... - You'll never remember where you PUT me! BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HAAAAH! - Sorry, still not scary. Oh, no? Just wait, it gets worse! - -
ENTER ----> - Okay, let's see... - oooooooooooo - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - EEEEEEEE - EEEEEEEE THUNK! - I am NEVER taking you to a warehouse club again! I love you, barrel of cheeseballs! kiss kiss kiss
Beware of the vicious big honking dog! - And the eight gazillion-volt electric fence! And the tyrannosaurus rex! - You should be ashamed! You weren't supposed to get this far.
Hey, guys. Hey, Irma. - SURPRISE! - It's customer appreciation day! - You get a "we finally passed our health inspection" balloon... - An "I heart mystery meat" T-Shirt... - And something really special... - An all-day antacid! I'm gett ing
Cats love milk, Garfield. We do? - Lap it up! Any cereal to go with this? - You're not lapping. Or some sugar, corn starch, cocoa powder, salt, and egg yolks and we can make chocolate pudding.
SMACK! - SMACK! - WHACK! - WHOP! - SWAT! - SPLAT! - Six flies, three spiders, one gnat, two grasshoppers, four moths and an earwig! - Burgers are done! Oh, no thanks!
- Come on...come on... - I'll be late for my date with Liz! - HONK! HONK! HONK! - THANKS FOR DRIVING SO LOW, YOU MOUTH-BREATHING, KNUCKLE-DRAGGING, PEA-BRAINED IDIOT! YOU... - ...ooo - You say this is the lates fashion trend? It's called
Sigh... - I remember our family trips. - There's cousin Earl. - He was accidentally left at a rest stop. - He was missing for years. - As it turned out, he was adopted by a pack of wolves. - We got a postcard. "I have acquired a taste for
Garfield, Garfield, Garfield... That's my name. Don't wear it out. - Have you no control?! Give me a subject. - Did you enjoy the wax fruit?! Chewy, tasteless, yet satisfying.
It's time for the *bee-dee-dee-dee-dee* cat weather report. - I'm not leaving the house, so the weather doesn't matter. - This has been the *bee-dee-dee-dee-dee* cat weather report.
I joined a book club, Garfield! Soon my brain will expand! - But then I won't be able to wear hats! - And then I can't be a cowboy!!! Step away from the book, Tex.
Sigh... - I wish you coulfd talk, Garfield... - Then we could REALLY communicate. - We could have discussions, and share deep thoughts. - I wonder what wisdom you woul dimpart to me if you could talk right now...what would you say? - CLOP -
When I was young, Garfield... - My brother and I made our own excitement. - One toime we exchanged underwear. I believe that this qualifies as animal abuse.
I have a business proposition for you... - I'll pay you five bones...and make it look like an accident. - Gotcha, where is he? Hey, Nermal! - Meet my big friend. - AWWWWWWWWWWWWW - You BEAST! How COULD you?! - What happened to you? I hate
- ARF! ARF! ARF! What's wrong, boy? - ARF! ARF! ARF! Is it Timmy? Is he in the well? - Yes! That rotten kid is in the well! - AND I PUSHED HIM! REFUSED TO GIVE ME A NUM-NUM, WILL HE? I SHOWED HIM! I SHOWED EVERYONE! - MWA-HAHAHA! - Uh...I mean
Gee, what's this? An empty fish bowl? Feigned surprise. - Maybe they grew legs and ran away! Right into sarcasm. - You should stop eating my goldfish, Garfield! Now the crazy talk.
Garfield, I'm missing out on life. - I don't have a witty circle of friends... - Who paint their bodies and head-butt each other... Too many sports commercials.
- Oh, I know that look, you're up to something, aren't you? - Either that, or you've already done it, and it's probably something HORRIBLE, too. - Something horrible and shocking that I'm likely to find by accident any MINUTE now! -
Oh, look, the cat's stuck in a tree. Aw, poor kitty. - Let's peck his fingers. No! Let's tickle him! - Or grease the limb! Or saw it off! Shouldn't you be migrating?
- I had a dream about us last night, Garfield. - We were having a picnic, eating sanwiches in a beautiful forest glen... - When suddenly, a huge bear jumped out and attacked us! - Than you sprang in to cation, fought him off with your bare
I'm cute, and you're not. Is that so? - I can be just as cute as you, Nermal. - Oh, yeah? Prove it. Just watch me. - - AWWWWWWWWWWW - Poor dear, did you eat a sick mouse? - You were saying? Go choke on a rainbow.
*** - *** - * - You have three new messages. - First message: - squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak - I am ALWAYS losing that thing! GARFIELD! Found it.
growlll - I'm hungry. - Are you hungry? - Me? Hungry? - Wow, that's a toughie... - Yessiree, that's a real stumper, that is. - Gosh, let me think... Thank you, Captain Sarcasm.
Yes, I have a cat. - Yes, he's big and orange. - Yes ,he's wearing a necklace made out of canary feathers! In some cultures this signifies a rite of passage.
Sigh... - You haven't played with me in a long time. - You USED to bat me around all day long...now you just IGNORE me! - Oh, please... Well, *I* know when I'm not wanted! - I'm going home to my mother! - ...mother? -
My aunt Orpha used to say, "Christmas comes but once a year". - Then she'd say, "never get under the mistletoe with a molting chicken". - Then she'd play the spoons on her forehead. Aunt Orpha was a few walnuts shy of a fruitcake.
I got my Christmas tree, Liz. It's covered with sticky sap. - Good, that means it's freshly cut. Where did you put it? - Right now it's in the kitchen. Pass the cream, pine boy.
Okay, I'll proofread your letter to Santa! - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - It's a little repetitious, isn't it? But it drives the point home, though. Don't you think?