You are not a dweeb. You are not a miserable failure. You are not ugly. Self-esteem ringtones.
1 February 2014
OWWOOOOOO clap clap clap clap clap clap OWOOOOOOOO clap clap clap clap clap clap OOOWOOOOOOOOO clap clap clap clap clap OOOOOOWOOOOOOOO clap clap clap clap YOWR ROWR ROWR How was karaoke night? Tough room.
2 February 2014
Well, hello Mr. Personality! Let the good times roll! Woo hoo! You sure do light up a room! And I'm not even trying.
3 February 2014
Cats are mysterious... Really mysterious... What are you up to? Even I don't know.
4 February 2014
BARK! Too lound. bark Too soft. Are you ever happy? Too whiny.
5 February 2014
COUGH! GASP! WHEEZE! HACK! Okay, come in! Enough with the fresh air.
6 February 2014
I need only two things, Liz. The love of a good woman... And a meticulous sock drawer. Do you know him? No.
7 February 2014
That was my pet mule. She had three legs, a glass eye, and one tooth. I miss you, Aphrodite! I must have the movie rights.
8 February 2014
9 February 2014
I'm in a bad mood. And there's only one thing to do when that happens. Pass it on. Uh-oh.
10 February 2014
Whoa! Apple pie! I must check behind my back more often!
11 February 2014
Jon's contemplating his life. The joys, the sorrows... I'll never play the bagpipes. The roads not taken...
12 February 2014
Sigh. I take it Garfield isn't coming. "meow".
13 February 2014
A penny for your thoughts, Jon. Are nose hairs connected to the brain? A dollar if you never ask it again. Thank you.
14 February 2014
Garfield, I was wondering... They say cats are clean animals... What happened to you? I'm a rebel.
15 February 2014
Siiigh Well, there's a blizzard outside... Don't say it. We're snowe din... Don't say it. The cable TV has gone out... Don't say it. And we're out of hot chocolate. Don't say it. What ELSE can go wrong? You said it.
16 February 2014
It's time to put an end to... It's time to start something.
17 February 2014
I found my toolbox, Garfield! A man without tools is no man at all! Now, how does this open? Turn in your man card.
18 February 2014
I have tools, Garfield! Men and tools built skyscrapers, you know... Like with this thingy. Put it back before you hurt somebody.
19 February 2014
Oh, that's just great! The mice are using the cat for a bed! Should I make little blankets?! There is a chill. Ignore him.
20 February 2014
Jon's dealing with the mouse problem in a very unique way. He's trying to adapt. Today is the worst day of my life. Say cheese.
21 February 2014
GULP! Poor thing, your dish is empty. Timing is everything.
22 February 2014
Let's make snow angels, Garfield! C'mon! It'll be fun! All you have to do is fall backward into the snow... And then flap your arms to make the angel wings! Watch me! Coming up next, a local man is gored by his own lawn gnome.
23 February 2014
Here's what you are, Garfield. "Sedentary". It means you collect dust. Use it in a sentence.
24 February 2014
Okay, everybody, break it up! Oh. It's just you, Garfield. I am NOT fat!
25 February 2014
WAH-HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! snatch! hee hee hee hee New driver's license photo.
26 February 2014
Sports have always been a big part of my life. Being bad at them, I mean. Ah.
27 February 2014
Garfield! That popcorn was for everyone. And "everyone" is my middle name, baby!
28 February 2014