Oh, Garfield... - Surprise! It's an apple pie! - I prefer surprises in pie form!
1 May 2014
Liz is coming over tonight. - Maybe I should tidy up. - Think she'll want a clean fork? Let's not get crazy, here...
2 May 2014
What do you think of these fangs, huh? - They could be whiter. - MMMM! And braking with your mouth closed is just humming.
3 May 2014
Z - One sleeping dog... Z - One can sneezing powder... Z - Apply sneezing powder to finger... Z - Apply finger to sleeping dog's nose, annnd... Z - CHOO - And that were dumb.
4 May 2014
I know what I want to do with the rest of my life. - - Yes, this is it. And no, I don't need an assistant.
5 May 2014
Today is going to be my lucky day! - WHAP! - Of course, it's early yet! Always the optimist...
6 May 2014
I might have a flaw or two. - I'm perfect. - Tell me more about your many weaknesses.
7 May 2014
I vacuumed today, Garfield... - And I discovered something. - The rug isn't green. So it's not evolving?
8 May 2014
Hi, sweetie. - You're so sweet. - It's Liz. I figured it was that or you were talking to a donut.
9 May 2014
I invited Sally to the prom. - I don't think she wanted to go wit hme. - She burned her gown on my front lawn. Subtle.
10 May 2014
Oh, come on! - You really liked that movie? Yes, I did. - You CAN'T be serious! Of COURSE I am! - ...men! - ...women! - ...dogs! -
11 May 2014
It says here that you should greet monday morning with a smile. - - Or not. How about a gut-wrenching scream of desperation?
12 May 2014
Good things come to those who wait. - - Of course there's something to be said for that instant gratification thing, too.
13 May 2014
Life is a mystery, Garfield. - So many questions. - Like, what day is this? You are so cosmic.
14 May 2014
Life is a reflecting pool, Garfield. - Where one can see one's true self. - I have cool hair. The water must be murky today.
15 May 2014
What's your favorite polka song, Liz? Uh... - I don't think I have one. - Too hard to choose, huh? Just nod your head and back away slowly.
16 May 2014
I'm writing my memoirs, Garfield. - Chapter two... - That's where I get kidnapped by aliens. I suspected as much...
17 May 2014
- Sigh... - I've got this long list of things to do, Garfield... - And all I REALLY want to do is take a long nap on the couch. - But how can I do that without feeling massive guilt?! - - Teache me your ways, o master. Come to the sloth side,
18 May 2014
I hate mornings. - I hate cheerful morning people. - And I hate the old rubber omelet gag.
19 May 2014
Jon's on the social network. - Here's his list of friends. - "Bob".
20 May 2014
- Where have you been? Eating lasagna. - Did you save me some? Hello, my name is Garfield. I don't believe we've met.
21 May 2014
Ah, my high school garuation. - I remember when they called my name. - "Ron Arbuckle". Thanks for sharing, Ron.
22 May 2014
I like having Liz around, Garfield. - She's very thoughtful - And she doesn't shred the curtains. Just wait.
23 May 2014
Here's a delicious burger that I'm leaving next to you. - I hope you don't eat it! - Why don't you just throw the tofu away?
24 May 2014
- click - I chewed my owner's slippers. - I'm too cute for words. - I steal cheese. - I'm a fat, lazy pig. - I posted a stupid picture of my cat.
25 May 2014
Monday... - TONK GOOSH - At least it's reliable.
26 May 2014
BURP! - tick tick tick tick - You don't have to text me EVERYTHING you do!
27 May 2014
I lent Odie a book. - - I gave Odie a book.
28 May 2014
We'll save you! - That isn't necessary! I'm fine, thank you! - Are you sure?! Never trust dogs with ladders.
29 May 2014
Garfield, what are you trying to tell me? - Is there danger? - Do NOT go to the beach!
30 May 2014
Tonight's horror movie... - "Claws of Death!" - Oh, look, Howard, a little kitten! Run, Howard, run.
31 May 2014