Z - Z - MMMPH! - - MMMMPH! - STOP IT! - I'll stop it when your face stops being warm.
1 June 2014
You have a choice of alarms this morning. - Do you prefer humorous or practical? Humorous. - Did you hear the one about the cat and the lawn mower? I hate mornings.
2 June 2014
I need a new hobby. Bottle cap collecting wasn't exciting enough for you? - Maybe I can take up bird watching! I can see the headline now... - Or identify different types of wood! "Local cat found bored to death near binoculars".
3 June 2014
BEWARE OF THE DOG - - You saw the sign, right? This is how I beware.
4 June 2014
- Garfield, where is my fish? - By now? Somewhere between the esophagus and the duodenum.
5 June 2014
All we have is noodles, so we're having noodles tonight, Garfield. - The forks are dirty, but we can use these pencils like chopsticks. - And the napkins are still in the laundry, so... Will you please get married!
6 June 2014
- - I like it better when we have mice.
7 June 2014
- Sigh... - Hey, Odie, I'm stuck. Can you help me out? - - - -
8 June 2014
I'm in charge around here. - - Nobody else wanted the job.
9 June 2014
Moss always grows on the north side of a tree. - Who cares? - Which side does the taffy grow on?
10 June 2014
Odie isn't going outside today. - The tough squirrels are out there. - Las time, they forced him to gather acorns.
11 June 2014
Someday I'll get what I deserve. - WAIT! - I want something WAY better than that.
12 June 2014
Another age nightmare? Yep. - You don't look very scary to me. Oh? - I'm the menu you can't read without the glasses you can't find. I stand corrected.
13 June 2014
You?--- You can't POSSIBLY be an age nightmare. Oh, but I am... - I'm that awful music that kids today listen to! Go away.
14 June 2014
- GUH! - GAH! GAH! UNGGGGHHH - GRUNT...GRUNT...EEEEERRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH - HUP! HUP! HOOP! - - Getting out of bed gets harder every year, doesn't it? Blow it out your box spring.
15 June 2014
You're tonight's age nightmare? Yupper-do. - But you're coffee. Coffe's not scary. Oh, no? - I'm decaf, with nonfat milk and artificial sweetener. YAAHH
16 June 2014
...so you're my age nightmare tonight? What are you? - I'm fine print! BWAH-HA-HA-HAAAH! - mmmfff! mmmffff!
17 June 2014
Let me guess...tonight's age nightmare? That's me! - I'm the jar of pickles that you can't open any more! - And you? I'm the package of batteries you never COULD open.
18 June 2014
I don't fel like getting older. - Maybe if I change the year, I'll get younger on my birthday. - Garfield, have you seen my pacifier?
19 June 2014
I'm in the mood for romance. I'm in the mood for pancakes! - - ROMANTIC pancakes! Good save, Romeo.
20 June 2014
Xou know what would be fun? Letting your cat sleep? - We could lie on the front porch... And sleep? - And pretend that we're doormats! That say "beware of sleeping cat".
21 June 2014
Z - BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP click - - Here are your breakfast lawn gnomes, Garfield. - And here's your breakfast guitar. - I'm still asleep, aren't I? Ya think?
22 June 2014
I'm tired of the daily grind. - Oh, me, too. - You probably don't even know what that means. I'm tired of hearing about it.
23 June 2014
Another wildlife show. - Always the sam ething. I get a craving for antilope.
24 June 2014
BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - Hey! I'm not done yet! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! You didn't have to go back to the beginning.
25 June 2014
We insects have six legs. - You have eight legs. Technically, yes... - If you count the spares.
26 June 2014
Today I put hats on my feet and a shoe on my head. - - On purpose? I told you she'd ask!
27 June 2014
ding ding ** Ice cream man! - - How?--- Here's your wallet.
28 June 2014
- - Odie, I need for you to eat these left socks. - Guys, make these pens disappear. Aye, aye, sir. - Hold up, Squeak...this remote goes under the couch. Got it. - You think you can get these keys on top of the fridge? Sure thing, boss. - How
29 June 2014
There's a whole world out there, Garfield... - Just waiting to be experienced. - But that would require going outside. Always a catch!
30 June 2014