Z Z MMMPH! MMMMPH! STOP IT! I'll stop it when your face stops being warm.
1 June 2014
You have a choice of alarms this morning. Do you prefer humorous or practical? Humorous. Did you hear the one about the cat and the lawn mower? I hate mornings.
2 June 2014
I need a new hobby. Bottle cap collecting wasn't exciting enough for you? Maybe I can take up bird watching! I can see the headline now... Or identify different types of wood! "Local cat found bored to death near binoculars".
3 June 2014
BEWARE OF THE DOG You saw the sign, right? This is how I beware.
4 June 2014
Garfield, where is my fish? By now? Somewhere between the esophagus and the duodenum.
5 June 2014
All we have is noodles, so we're having noodles tonight, Garfield. The forks are dirty, but we can use these pencils like chopsticks. And the napkins are still in the laundry, so... Will you please get married!
6 June 2014
I like it better when we have mice.
7 June 2014
Sigh... Hey, Odie, I'm stuck. Can you help me out? -
8 June 2014
I'm in charge around here. Nobody else wanted the job.
9 June 2014
Moss always grows on the north side of a tree. Who cares? Which side does the taffy grow on?
10 June 2014
Odie isn't going outside today. The tough squirrels are out there. Las time, they forced him to gather acorns.
11 June 2014
Someday I'll get what I deserve. WAIT! I want something WAY better than that.
12 June 2014
Another age nightmare? Yep. You don't look very scary to me. Oh? I'm the menu you can't read without the glasses you can't find. I stand corrected.
13 June 2014
You? You can't POSSIBLY be an age nightmare. Oh, but I am... I'm that awful music that kids today listen to! Go away.
14 June 2014
GUH! GAH! GAH! UNGGGGHHH GRUNT...GRUNT...EEEEERRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH HUP! HUP! HOOP! Getting out of bed gets harder every year, doesn't it? Blow it out your box spring.
15 June 2014
You're tonight's age nightmare? Yupper-do. But you're coffee. Coffe's not scary. Oh, no? I'm decaf, with nonfat milk and artificial sweetener. YAAHH
16 June 2014
...so you're my age nightmare tonight? What are you? I'm fine print! BWAH-HA-HA-HAAAH! mmmfff! mmmffff!
17 June 2014
Let me guess...tonight's age nightmare? That's me! I'm the jar of pickles that you can't open any more! And you? I'm the package of batteries you never COULD open.
18 June 2014
I don't fel like getting older. Maybe if I change the year, I'll get younger on my birthday. Garfield, have you seen my pacifier?
19 June 2014
I'm in the mood for romance. I'm in the mood for pancakes! ROMANTIC pancakes! Good save, Romeo.
20 June 2014
Xou know what would be fun? Letting your cat sleep? We could lie on the front porch... And sleep? And pretend that we're doormats! That say "beware of sleeping cat".
21 June 2014
Z BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP click Here are your breakfast lawn gnomes, Garfield. And here's your breakfast guitar. I'm still asleep, aren't I? Ya think?
22 June 2014
I'm tired of the daily grind. Oh, me, too. You probably don't even know what that means. I'm tired of hearing about it.
23 June 2014
Another wildlife show. Always the sam ething. I get a craving for antilope.
24 June 2014
BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! Hey! I'm not done yet! BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! You didn't have to go back to the beginning.
25 June 2014
We insects have six legs. You have eight legs. Technically, yes... If you count the spares.
26 June 2014
Today I put hats on my feet and a shoe on my head. On purpose? I told you she'd ask!
27 June 2014
ding ding ** Ice cream man! How? Here's your wallet.
28 June 2014
Odie, I need for you to eat these left socks. Guys, make these pens disappear. Aye, aye, sir. Hold up, Squeak...this remote goes under the couch. Got it. You think you can get these keys on top of the fridge? Sure thing, boss. Howcan one person lose so m
29 June 2014
There's a whole world out there, Garfield... Just waiting to be experienced. But that would require going outside. Always a catch!
30 June 2014