My arm is killing me! What happened? I arm-wrestled my old gym teacher and lost badly! Hey, it's not like it's the end of the world. And I had Miss Bryant right to here! Okay, it's the end of the world.
Welcome to Binky Burger. I'm Binky's buddy, Biff. How may I help you? * HONK You don't like your job, do you? YOU try to get a date in this getup, pal.
To: Jon tap tap tap tap tap tap From: Liz * * * * * * To: Liz tap tap tap tap tap tap From: Jon * * * * * * To: Jon tap tap tap tap tap tap From: Garfield ** * ** * ** *
The world will remember my name! ...uh... Jon! I knew you could do it!Let's see...should I get Odie a squeaky bone or a dingle ball? What the heck, it's chistmas...I'll get him both! And what would YOU like? To slap you silly.
I'm thinking of changing my scent. Apple pie is nice. Or fresh-baked bread. Or bacon! Now I'm hungry. Fried chicken! Brownies! Our giant inflatable Rudolph blew over again.
"Once upon a time there was a powerful wizard..." "Who summoned forth a mighty rainstorm!" Ooooooh! Would you please not do this in the shower? "And then along came a silly troll".
Good day, sir. I've been retained to address an assault perpetrated last evening. My client is willing to settle out of court for six grubs and a beetle.
It's like the stars go on forever. They do go on forever, Jon. Far beyond our comprehension. Whoa... So there COULD be brain-sucking lobster beings out there! Zime to go.
You know that nagging feeling, Garfield? Like when you can't remember if you did something or not? I wonder if I forgot to close the door. Let's ask the goat in the living room.
I'm feeling lazy, so we're having cereal for lunch. Works for me. Cereal is the perfect food...good for any meal. And snacks! In fact, let's have cereal for dinner tonight, too. Jon may have a girlfriend now, but we're still bachelors,baby!
Liz and I are having an argument. So? And I'd love to end it... You DO know what to do, don't you? But I have no idea what's it about! Tell her she's right.
Poor, neglected landline. Sigh... Don'r worry, I haven't forgotten you. Thanks. Remember all those pizzas we ordered together? Good times...good times.
Hmmmm A quiet house... An empty couch... A great old movie on TV... And a perfectly fluffed pillow. I swear... Some days just have "waste me" written all over them!
BURRRRRRRRRRRRRAP! Lugga lugga lugga YAWNNN! SLAP SLAP SLAP I didn't know this thing had a webcam. And we just passed one millio views. lugga lugga lugga
* ** Hello? Hi, it's the Pizza Parlor. We're just calling to let you know how much we love you. * SMOOOOOCH * * click * Perhaps we order pizza too much. Said no one ever.
These buttermilk pancakes taste plain, Irma. Did you put buttermilk in them? Let me check. Silly me! I put water in them! Meaning...the buttermilk went into the coffee maker.
You mean people in the old days used to print out their photos and then paste them into books? Yes. That sure seems like a lot of work. They had plenty of time. Didn't they have dinosaurs to hunt? Only on tuesdays.
I've decided I don't want to make a big deal out of my birthday this year. Now that I'm older and wiser, I'm realizing the things that mean the most to me... A dump truck full of presents and a ginormous cake are all I really need. You'redrooling.
Hey, you're prett yold. You should meet my grandmother. She's the oldest person I know. She's so old that she's seen it all. And done it all. She's REALLY old. How old is she? Two!
eew Oh, Irma. Yes? There's a fly in my mashed potatoes. SCHWAT! Dit I get it? Dit I get it? dig dig dig Hah-HA! No charge for that. Why do we come here? For the ambience.
What would you like to do tonight, Garfield? Eat garbage, yowl on the fence, dodge shoes, trash-talk some dogs, then get chased up a tree. So, the usual. If it ain't broke...
Liz wants me to go furniture shopping with her. She wants to buy a credenza. I don't even know that that is! It's Italian for "your bachelor life is over".
I want some attention. Pay attention to me! SLAP! Hey! That hurt! Why did you hurt me?! -You are an awful, awful cat! BAD CAT! BAD CAT! Why, I oughta... That's better.
Slightly pungent with a hint of nuttiness. Earthy, like walking through a meadow after a spring rain. Cheese snobs. Aristocratic yet humble. Indubitaly.
Hey, guys, check out the moon... It looks happy, doesn't it? When I was a boy, we called that a "smiling moon". Kids sure do think of some funny things.
You just ate, so you'll have to wait half an hour to swim. Of course, by then you'll be hungry again. Hmm You know, you may never swim again. The math doesn't look good.
Wouldn't it be great if we could travel back in time? I'd go back to my first day of kindergarten. This time I'd KNOW where the little boys' room was before it was too late. I'd travel before this conversation took place.
So... So you worked in the yard yesterday without a shirt on? Yes. It was pretty hot and sunny. Did you wear sunscreen? Yeees. All over? Yes, mother. Really? Even on your back? SLAP! YES! bust-ed.
A fish walks into a diner and the waitress says, "What will you have?" And the fish says, "WATER"! Oh, how sad! Go away! Hello? Eddie?... A fish walks into a diner...
Hi, hon. We have a new cook. He just graduated from a culinary school. Oh? Which school? The Insitute of Advanced Bachelor Cusine. Wow. What will you have? Two soups, please. Yum.
I love fall. I love the colors... I love the cool days...I love the smells... NYAAHHH And, of course, there's Jon's annual raking meltdown. WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!
When I was single, I used to sit at home alone and be bored. but now that we're a couple... We can sit at home together and be bored! You need an exit strategy, lady.
A little to the left...yeah...THAT'S it! TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP TUMP We will return to "The Wolfman Gets His Belly Scratched". He loves that.
I'll have the spinach-stuffed flounder amadine with asparagus tips and roasted new potatoes. Very good, ma'am. And for you, sir? Well, your arm looks pretty darn tasty. Never date a zombie.
Did I hear you say Jon is going grocery shopping tomorrow? Yes. Did you need something? I could use ten pound of dead flies. Isn't that a lot? I have a big freezer.
dip crunch crunch crunch crunch Hey! No double-dipping! Don't you know how unsanitary that is, you dusgusting pig?! dip Jon, I was thinking we might go to dinner at... Never mind.
Well, I did it again! I fell off the roof trying to put up decorations! I landed right on my head! I'm okay now, though. Are you going to answer the phone, or should I get it? You get it.
Wow, Jon...how did you get your christmas tree to stand so straight? Oh, it wasn't hard at all, Liz...not for ME, anyway. It just took some basic structural engineering. He duct-taped it to a coat rack.
Well, THOSE christmas cookies didn't last long. Burrrp They were so good, though. You know you're supposed to bake them first. Now you're just boring me with details.
Dear Santa, How have you been? How is Mrs. Claus? How are the reindeer and elves? How's your weather been? We have had a mild winter here so far. I like to begin with a little idle chitchat before I make with the begging.
Dear Santa, Attached are the dimensions of our kitchen, along with the specifications for our gas hookup. Still trying, huh? Someday he'll bring that pizza oven.
Garfield, do you hear that awful noise?! Yeah. It sounds like a wounded WATER BUFFALO. Not to worry... Or a hyena with a hernia. It's just Jon caroling.
THE EXCITEMENT MOUNTS! OKAY, EVERYONE!... TEN!...NINE!...EIGHT!... SEVEN!...SIX!...FIVE!... Are you ready to officially kick off the new year, Odie? FOUR!...THREE!...TWO!...ONE!... HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! KICK!