- Hey! You call that "Just Sitting There"?! - You don't look NEARLY bored enough, mister! - I'd like to see something more along THESE lines... - And for Pete's sake, SLOUCH! - There! That's more like it! - It's tough living with a cat with
Sending a text to Liz... "How do I love thee? Let me text the ways". tap tap - Oops! I sent that to Mrs. Feeny by mistake. Poor Jon. - ping! Mrs. Feeny is wondering what I'm doing saturday night. Poor Mrs. Feeny.
. Sorry I'm late. You're not late. - I'm not? Nope, right on time. - Are you sure? Absolutely. - Well, darn. - I had a really good excuse. Go ahead. - There was this fire-breathing dogcatcher... Get to the "really good" part.
zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz - Who are you? The first housefly of spring! - Aren't you going to welcome me? - SWAT - I was hoping for something a little more FESTIVE! - SWAT - Huzzah I hate you!
"Dear Ask A Dog, what's with you dogs rooting through the garbage all the time?" - Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark! - Your denial would be more believable if you didn't have a banana peel on your head.
You want Cars?! We've GOT cars!! - Here's a sweet 2009 minivan...candy apple red, and only driven off a cliff twice! - ...and how about this little beauty? Just 30,000 miles, and absolutely no, that's right...NO brakes! - ...want an economy
- "Dear Jon, I'm writing this to you to let you know that it's over between us." - "I've thought long and hard about this, and it seems we're just too different for things to ever work out..." - "So I've decided to move away and start a new
Hey, Garfield, what say we go on a diet together? Sure! - I'll make sure you only eat what you're supposed to! Of course! - I'll watch you every waking minute! And I'll sneak food while you're sleeping!
Okay... - "Boil lasagna noodles in large pot of lightly salted water with a dash of olive oil." - "In a skillet over medium heat, brown beef, sausage and onion. Add garlic, tomatoed and seasoning, simmer for 10 minutes." - "In lightly greased
* Yoooooo-hoooooo - You haven't weighed yourself in a while. Why should I? All you do is insult me! - Oh, I do not! Oh, yes you do! - Every time I step on you, you make fun of my weight! - Prove it! Fine! - Wow. Wow what? - You're a SUCKER,
click - And now, "Attack of the 50-Foot Calzone" click - ..."Creature From The Marinara Lagoon" click - ..."Raiders Of The Lost Cannoli" click - ..."Bring Me The Head Of Fettuccine Alfredo" click - ..."One Flew Over The Lasagna's Nest" click
Just look at you! - It's a beautiful day, and you're stitting inside watching television! - And what's that junk you're snacking on?! Aren't you fat enough already?! - And look now how CLOSE you're sitting to me! Are you TRYING to ruin your
Wha?!... - Hello, I'm a frozen caveman from the last ice age. - And now I'm all thawed out! - So this is the modern world, huh? This is it. - What's that? Modern man. - - Well, back to the glacier. Have a nice nap.
Sigh... - This sure brings back memories, Garfield. - I used to do this back on the farm when I was a boy. - On summer nights, after my chores were done, I'd go out to the pasture... - Lie on my back in the graff, and stare up at the
Let's see... - What about my lime green corduroy blazer, canary yellow golf pants and cowboy boots? No. - Or my blue serge dinner jacket with cargo shorts, black knee socks and sandals? No. - Well, there IS my neon orange herringbone
"To lose weight, you need to burn calories." - "Walking a mile burns 100 calories. Swimming burns 500 calories an hour." - Lying there burns zero calories! How many calories can I burn by smacking you with a diet book?
Jon? Hi, Liz. - Jon, you look TERRIBLE! I know. - I haven't been able to take a bath for three days. - Why? Are you sick? No. - Is it a plumbing problem?...did you forget to pay your water bill? - Well, WHY, then?! - Found it.
click - ** DING-DONG Coming! - Yes?... - SHRIEEEEEEK! Hi! You must be Sherri! - YEEEEHHHH!! You sure look very pretty. - YEEEEEEEEEK!!! What would you like to do this evening? - You are watching "Godzilla Goes On A Blind Date". What say we
SLAM! - Hi, boy, am I stuffed! pat pat pat - Say, which way to the kitchen? I've got me a date with an oven! Down the hall. - Thanks, pal! I'll save you a leg! - My annual turkey dream... - - Someone order a gravy boat, giblets, candied yams
- Wow...what a great meal that was. - Everything was delicious, Liz... - Your mashed potatoes are even better than my Mom's! - - * beedle beedle beedle - * beedle beedle beedle It's my mom. Uh-oh. She heard you.
BANG! BANG! BANG! Arrgh! The nail's bent! - BANG! BANG! BANG! Agghhh! Hole in the wall! - Ow! Plaster in my eye! And thus we herald Jon't time-honored tradition of christmas decoration and home demolition.
Soooooo... - Need any suggestions for mi christmas present this year, Liz? - Oh, I already finished all my christmas shopping last month. - I've also wrapped everything, written and addressed all my christmas cards... - AND picked out an
- I'm sorry I don't have anything to give you for christmas, Garfield. - I actually DID gt you a big juicy rat... - But I was really hungry, so I ate it myself. - That's okay, Arlene. It's the thought that counts. - * sigh - -
Okay, listen up... - Liz and I are going out on New Year's eve, and I've decided NOT to get a pet sitter. - I think you're both old enough and mature enough to handle being on your own now. - And I know you'll behave yourselves and make me