I'm not always sarcastic. - - Sometimes I'm asleep.
1 April 2019
If I were an astronomer... - I could discover a new planet. And they'd name it after me! "Planet Dipward".
2 April 2019
Odie is trying to be more like me. Z - Z - I'd lose the tail wag there, pal. Z
3 April 2019
- - My new place isn't quite finished. Ah.
4 April 2019
Where do chicken wings come from? - The oven. - Not chickens? Chickens have ovens?
5 April 2019
Nothing lasts forever. - Diet cat food. - It just seems that way.
6 April 2019
- Come on, Garfield. Put a smile on your face! Sure... - How about the salesman smile? - The smug smile? - The fake smile? Or the vicory smile! - Stop smiling! I thought you'd never ask.
7 April 2019
I like to think I make the world a better place in which to... - SNORE - sleep.
8 April 2019
I've decided to give back to the world. - But first... - I'm going to take a bunch of stuff.
9 April 2019
- LOOK, Odie! -
10 April 2019
Here's when mom was on her knitting binge. - She knitted sweaters for everyone in the family. - And then for the chickens. The rhinestones are a bit much.
11 April 2019
For you, Liz, I would climb the highest mountain! - Although that sounds scary... - PLEAS DON'T MAKE ME! Oh, go ahead.
12 April 2019
BARK! BARK! BARK! - You don't seem as tough with those glasses on. - Oh, boo-hoo!! I'M SORRY!!
13 April 2019
Jon?--- Jon, how do you feel about our relationship? - I couldn't be happier, Liz. I must be the luckiest man on earth to have met someone as wonderful as you. - In the time we've been together, I feel I've matured and grown...and you're
14 April 2019
- Is that coffee too strong? - NO!
15 April 2019
The best things in life are free. - And so are the worst things. - It's the stuff in between that's expensive!
16 April 2019
"Dear Ask A Dog"... - "When you howl, are you singing?" - AROOOOOOOOOOOO!! That would be a "no".
17 April 2019
Fun fact... - SCHLURRRRK - Gravy can be classified as a beverage!
18 April 2019
YOWLLL! - Do you think I have a good yowling voice? Lovely! - ...and then I pretended to get a phone call.
19 April 2019
I was born to dance! - No, you weren't. - THEN WHAT'S WITH ALL THESE FEET?!
20 April 2019
- Look, Garfield. Only one donut left. - If you ate it, I'd feel sad because I didn't get any. - If I ate it, I'd feel guilty because you didn't get any. - So, consider this... - If we shared it, I'd be happy that we both got some! - It's
21 April 2019
You have many faults, Garfield. - And a donut. - Is that all you can think about? AND a cup of coffee.
22 April 2019
Scientists made a discovery today... - After exhaustive research on the effects of dog breath... - They've found it to be an excellent paint remover. Finally, a use for dogs.
23 April 2019
I'm learning a second language. - Meow meow meow meow meow meow - How was that? You just asked for directions to the pipe wrench.
24 April 2019
- Uh-oh. We lost power... - For a second... Don't worry. I cleaned out the fridge so nothing would spoil
25 April 2019
I hurt my finger. I won't be able to play the accordion for weeks. - -
26 April 2019
And that's why hats make lousy cereal bowls. Okaaay... - I'm starting all my conversations at the end now. - It's a real time-saver. And a blessing.
27 April 2019
BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! - BARK! BARK! BARK! - Excuse me. - I have here a petition signed by everyone in the neighborhood, asking you to stop barking. - - BARK! BARK! BARK! BARK! He ate it.
28 April 2019
CAT AT WORK - - Break time.
29 April 2019
My uncle Clarence was a circus clown. - He retired last year. - Thirty of his buddies came to the retirement party in one car. Once a clown, always a clown.
30 April 2019